“Live a Full Life!”

John 6:1-21    Ephesians 3:14-21

July 26, 2009

It was Wednesday, and I was getting ready to put the bulletin together for today.  As I read Ephesians, the words challenged me.  I was in the midst of a panic attack - not something that happens to me all that often, but when it does happen, it really knocks me feet out from under me.  So, I was feeling pretty shaky and uncertain, trying to focus my concentration enough to prepare some words for prayers and figure out the hymns.  The strength and peace spoken of in the scripture, or at least my desire for it, went right to my heart.  “I ask that you will be able to take in the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love.”  What strikes me about this prayer that Paul is praying on our behalf, is that he recognizes just how difficult it is for us to open our hearts or minds or whatever it is we need to open, in order to really let God’s love in, to let it make a difference in us and in our lives.

We know that God loves us, Jesus loves us.  It is something we are taught from the very start of Sunday School, after all.  But what does it really mean to us?  How do we experience the love?  And do we have any idea what the “extravagant” love of Christ feels like when it gets inside of us?  When I was in the midst of panicking, I had a really difficult time finding anything solid on which to stand.  It was as if all of my beliefs, my trust and even my faith were mere philosophical understandings.  They had nothing to offer to me in the thick of my raising anxiety level.  I felt like I was grasping at straws, attempting to access the faith that usually carries me through difficult situations.  Somehow, I was cut off from all of my familiar support systems.  I felt like I was floating out in the middle of the sea, with no hope for rescue and nothing to hold onto.  Paul says, “I ask God to strengthen you by his Spirit, not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength, that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in.”  

Our minds are only capable of taking us just so far, especially when it comes to faith.  And even though you can get pretty far in understanding God and Christ by reading and talking and studying, there are limits to how deeply that faith affects your life and how you live.  To build faith, you have to go through some things.  You have to feel some things.  You have to let life affect you, let it in, and let God in, even if things get a bit messy at times.  This is how faith becomes practice, and how it becomes real.  

As I was dealing with the surge of anxiety, I reached out to the various ways I have found peace in the past.  I tried to pray.  I took a walk to my favorite place in the woods.  I read a book to get my mind off of what I was worrying about.  But I couldn’t calm down.  I didn’t feel the usual peace of mind from any of these things that usually help me.  I spent a restless, sleepless night and it wasn’t until the next day that I started to feel any better.  Gary and another friend helped me find my center again by reminding me of what I already knew.  “Who are you and what do you know?  Lean on your faith, your belief in God and in yourself.  You are held and loved, remember?”  Finally I was able to take a look at what had happened and also see that there were things I could learn from the situation to deepen my faith, and hopefully build up my resilience so that it wouldn’t happen again.  What I discovered was that it is always possible to take our faith a bit deeper.  I thought, after all these years, that I knew all there was to know about my relationship with God, with faith, but it wasn’t true.  There are still things that are capable of throwing me off center.  There are still things that push me down to a place where I am forced to reconsider what I truly believe, deep down in my heart.  After all, if your faith doesn’t “work” when the chips are down, then you need to figure out what is going on.  You need to re-evaluate.

At first glance, especially when you are feeling down, you may assume that the fault lies with your faith, that it isn’t good enough or strong enough.  You may think you aren’t good enough or strong enough too.  

That’s a common way we have of confronting crises of faith, but it isn’t very helpful because it takes us away from an answer rather than drawing us closer to remembering what we need to know.  Paul says, “Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.”  I think these crises come along to draw us into a deeper relationship with God and that they help us build a stronger foundation of faith in our lives.  Most times, we don’t test the limits.  We try to stay within the lines of our lives as if we are children working on a coloring book that we imagine needs to be done perfectly - keeping all of those bright colors within the bold, dark lines.  But what if life is not meant to be lived within the lines?  What if there is more to even our everyday experiences than can be seen at first blush?  As a young person, and even, admittedly as an adult, I found it difficult to test the length, plumb the depths or rise to the heights of anything, let alone my faith.  I tried really hard back then, and often still do, to live within the lines.  I don’t like rocking the boat, even if I am the only one who stands to be shaken up in the process.  And so, I have to admit that an experience like the one I had this week might be just what I need to get myself ready to open up, ready to go to the next level of faith and of exploring the depths that life itself has to offer.  What does living a full life look like?  What does it feel like, look like or taste like, even?  Are any of us really doing this?

My sense is, that we can always take it a bit deeper.  We can always challenge ourselves to uncover some new aspect to even the things with which we are most familiar.  Paul’s words haunt me, still.  “God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.”  Our lives can be so much more than we dare to dream of them.  But we have to be willing to cut the safety cords.  We have to be willing to take the risks and go to the depths as well as the heights.  We have to be willing to be broken open and perhaps not get put back together again in quite the same way again when all is said and done.  If we ask God to work within us, we may find ourselves being fashioned and shaped differently than we thought, and it may get uncomfortable and even frightening at times, but the truth at the heart of the matter is that with God inside of us, we can never lose our way.  The center holds no matter how disorienting everything around us becomes.  When I feel that anxiety attempt to rise in me and regain its foothold, I take a deep breath and remember that God is with me and within me.  I am guided and protected in every moment and throughout every situation.  No matter what else is true, God’s presence is truer.

God of our lives, we are grateful for your presence within us and with us.  We pray for the strength to face the parts of life that frighten us.  We pray for the wisdom to choose wisely and the compassion to love - even ourselves - in spite of everything. 

God be in my head 

And in my understanding
God be in my eyes
And in my looking
God be in my mouth
And in my speaking
God be in my heart
And in my thinking
God be at my end
And at my departing.